I told you last week all about my fancy new milk frother, and how wonderful it is that I can now have a latte any old time I feel like it. The truth is, most days I make myself one. One very special latte, for a very special time of day.
I've struggled this winter with the demands of my little world here. Busy baby, busy pre-schooler (I really, really wanted to type toddler, when did she become a pre-schooler?), busy school-aged kids, busy husband... You get the idea. Lots of busyness going on, and not a lot of quiet time. For an introvert like me, it's can feel like torture at times. Always someone there, someone talking, someone touching, and never a moment of peace. I found I was cranky by the time Stuart came home at the end of the day, which I'm sure was not fun for him, either. By the end of our evening meal, I spent half my time shushing people and sending kids away "to play". How nice is that to live with?
One evening, we were having a special movie/picnic night. Everyone was happy and having a good time, except me. I was telling Brian to stop bumping the coffee table, Gwenyth to please-for-the-love-of-all-that-is-good-please-stop-talking, sighing at Liam's need to be held, irritated with Katie for no particular reason. And let's not even get started about how Stuart could say Nothing Right At All. Suddenly, I had a moment of clarity. They were all happy. They were eating their dinner, having fun, relaxing after a busy week. It was not them. It was me. I quietly told Stuart that I needed a break, picked up my plate, collected my library book, and retreated to my bedroom. I sat in bed for about 45 minutes, eating my food and reading my book. When I came back out to the living room, it was like a whole new Mommy was there. I was calm, together, peaceful.
That evening was a real turning point for me; I realized that I need time. I need space, and quiet. And I also realized that there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for that time. That when I take that time, I am a better mother, a more content wife, a nicer person all round. Shortly after that, I instituted afternoon Quiet Time in my house. I maneuvered Liam's daily schedule around, and found activities to wear Gwenyth out in the morning. I take 45 minutes for myself every afternoon. This is not time to run around like a crazy woman catching up on house projects, this is not time to deep clean the hall closet or rummage in my studio. This is Quiet Time for me, too.
With the kids in bed (Gwenyth is in that place where she may or may not sleep, but she understands that she needs to play quietly in her bed, regardless), I make myself something healthy to eat. I prepare my special latte, and I sit down with my knitting, and something special to watch on TV. Right now, I'm watching the TV show Without a Trace on DVD (one episode of an hour long TV show on DVD exactly fills my 45 minutes, which is perfect). Some days, I choose to listen to a podcast instead. It doesn't really matter, what matters is that this is My Time. My daily ritual, that I've come to depend on. At the end of this time, Liam wakes up, Gwenyth comes out of her room, the kids come home from school, and we all kick into high gear. But it's okay, I can bring that peace and quiet with me from my afternoon, and share it with the rest of my family. Even when my little bundle of joy looks like this:
At the moment, I have the best kind of knitting for my afternoon ritual - I've finally gotten with the times, and cast on for a Clapotis! I can see why it's universally popular, the rhythmic stitches just fly along my needles, as I enjoy my peace and quiet.
What about you? Do you have a special daily/weekly/monthly ritual?
I don't have any special rituals. Right now I just need to make sure I get my school work done. I've barely done any knitting since the beginning of the year, but I do have some things I need to make...3 things by the beginning of April. I'll have to see if 2 of them will wait (we're doing a little 'gift exchange' since we couldn't do it at Christmas) and maybe put them off another month or so...and the other one HAS to be finished and mailed off by April 2nd. That's something I need to work on. I should go and do some of that but I'm getting tired. I'm on March Break for university, but not really getting much of a break...
P.S. your sweater in the previous post is gorgeous, and looks great on you!
Posted by: Shelley | March 03, 2009 at 07:14 PM
I am the same exact way. I NEED some time to myself everyday or I am not fit to be around people. My time is early morning. I make myself a cup of coffee and surf the internet. Everyone is sleeping, I get to read email, read my blogs and just enjoy the me time. I don't like sharing my early morning hours, they're mine.
Posted by: pam | March 03, 2009 at 07:36 PM
I can totally agree with that quiet time. I sometimes sneak in a little nap during the day if Paul is home from work. It depends though on whether Isabelle comes in to join me as to whether I get any quiet though. She is a little chatterbox most of the time. The clapotis looks great and I am sure with your daily quiet time you will finish it very soon.
Posted by: sue | March 03, 2009 at 07:37 PM
Oh Mercy, yes, Charity. I know this particular 'song'. Very well.
The hypersensitivity to sound (jiggling,bumping,chattering,etc) and activity, the overload.
I'm glad to hear you've found your time for quiet. It is essential, eh?
XOXOX
Posted by: marianne | March 04, 2009 at 05:42 AM
Good for you for recognizing what you need! Both my kids are in school now, but I still find that with this home business, I almost never sit down and relax, and consequently I've been knitting very little. The last couple of weeks of illness forced me onto the couch and I finished several projects. It felt SO good to just sit and knit - I've resolved to try harder to make time for that.
Posted by: Ruth | March 04, 2009 at 07:12 AM
I put quite time in to effect about a month ago as I was feeling the same. My boys love it and so do I we do and hour every day regardless of if they are at preschool or not. I need my space and they need their's. I find it so funny that at the end of quite time they are so exited to tell me how they spent thier time.
An hour of no fighting and just a gentle clack of my needles, or what have you.
I think time to ourselves is so wonderful. And everyone benifits.
Posted by: sarah | March 04, 2009 at 09:52 AM
right now I try to grab the time while the boy is at school. but the puppies are wreaking havoc with my routine. they DO NOT understand mommy needs her quite time ;)
Posted by: colleen | March 04, 2009 at 01:41 PM
I need my me time too. Thank you for the reminder that I should take myself out of the situation if it really is me that is that problem. I really liked this post!
Posted by: tiennie | March 04, 2009 at 10:26 PM
I don't have a ritual, but I realized when Andy graduated from high school that the days he works evenings he's in my space all day. He may be sleeping, but he's still in my space. I got used to having the house to myself all day, and I like it. I am comfortable with just me (and I rarely turn on the television). Barking dogs are my usual accompaniment.
Posted by: Judy G. | March 05, 2009 at 06:01 PM
I've been trying to decide what to knit next for a week and THANK-YOU Charity for sending it home to me...Clapotis it shall be! I don't really have a ritual either (though I only have one child and he's almost 18 now!) but for a long time I always made time to at least get out with the girls on Friday after work for a bit. It broke up the routine and was a good end to the week. Remember your blue pedicure? That's always a me,me,me deal too!
Posted by: Patty | March 06, 2009 at 09:57 AM
You found a great, workable solution for recharging your batteries. If it hadn't been the for enforced daily nap time I would have been a crazy mommy during those early years. As a person who is energized by being alone I need solitude from people and noise.
Neither of my kids complained about having quiet time, and usually they managed to fall asleep.
In some ways it is harder now for me to carve out a regular routine for quiet time with both of us working at home.
I'd never heard of tea latte - sounds divine!
Posted by: Wanda J | March 07, 2009 at 10:20 PM
Even with only one child I was nearly out of my mind at times. I'd think "well at least at work I had breaktimes" . That is when I started my two hour nap on a Saturday so Jeff was left with Holly .Then I insisted on the 15 minutes after dinner and I'd lay on the bed and listen to "The Archers" a famous British soap on the radio from back in the 1950s I think. I found just those 15 minutes helped a lot.
Posted by: angie Cox | March 09, 2009 at 06:39 AM
Lovely post. I am very much in need of my "me time", if I don't get it I find that late afternoon/dinner period very difficult to cope with. There is absolutely nothing wrong in taking a little "me time", it preserves are sanity.
Posted by: Rebecca | March 09, 2009 at 07:01 AM
I so wish that Niilo would nap or even play quietly in his bed... nope. So no quiet afternoon time for me, but I've learned that I need time for myself. The good thing is that after giving up his nap, he goes to bed earlier and sleeps longer! So no more getting up at 6 am which I am thrilled about!
Posted by: Hasbu | March 13, 2009 at 01:33 AM
How wonderful that you were able to discover that it is okay to ask for the time you need; I'm sure it really does make for a happier family all around.
Love the picture of your bundle of joy :-)
Posted by: Julie | March 17, 2009 at 09:42 AM