I have to admit - I've been feeling a bit grumpy lately. The days are short, the sky is cloudy. I'm working two (paid) jobs, added to the joys & chores of running a household of six. I've been questioning if this is really the right path - is it worth all the maneuvering and organizing and planning and doing without and and and...
Worse, I've been grumping and snapping and complaining, even with all the mess in Haiti, even though I know how much we have, even though we are so, so fortunate in so many ways.
Thursday, I had a particularly cranky day. The kids were miserable, no one was listening, I was tired. The carrot in front of me, all day long, was nap time. My daycare guy was leaving early, both Gwenyth & Liam needed a nap; I was going to have two glorious hours to hide in my studio and sew myself a new apron.
Just - and I mean just - as I was tucking Gwenyth into bed, the telephone rang. It was Katie's teacher - poor Katie was also having a miserable day, and the teacher thought it might be in her best interest to come home early, have a rest, and start fresh the next day. (Such a thoughtful person - not only did she consider Katie's best interests, but the school secretary ran Katie home, so I wouldn't have to take Liam & Gwen out of bed. Who says public schools are all impersonal, useless places?)
I quickly said goodbye to my quiet sewing afternoon, put on the kettle and whipped up a pot of "happy tea" (equal portions of lemon balm & chamomile - Gwenyth calls it "flower tea", as she says it tastes like dead flowers), and Katie walked in and burst into tears. We spent a quiet hour in the rocking chair, with my big, almost-a-teenager girl in my lap, talking and snuggling and sipping tea. While we sat together, all I could think of, over and over, is that this is why we do what we do. Being able to be home when all Katie needed was some quiet time with her mum is worth all the running-around-like-a-chicken-with-my-head-cut-off crazy days. And I was so thankful. Thankful to be there in the chair with Miss Kate, thankful to have a husband who supports me in my decision to stay home, thankful to be able to make it work when there are so many people who would love to do what I do and just can't.
I will confess that earlier today, the grumpies were sneaking in. I reminded myself again of Thursday afternoon, and returned to feeling quietly thankful.
It's totally understandable to have those kind of days.. I seem to have had a few (and I don't even work), I think it's the January blahs!
So do you work both jobs at home?
Hoping you all have a better week and if you need to keep thinking back to that lovely Thursday :) It's the biggest blessing you can give your family that 'Momma's always there' feeling.
Hugs
Denise
Posted by: Denise | January 24, 2010 at 02:32 PM
Beautiful. I love it. My mom was there for me in that way and it made a huge impression on how I think about raising my kids when I'm lucky enough to have some.
I have a little something for you that I'll put in the mail this week...hopefully it will help bring some cheer!
xo
Posted by: lisa | January 24, 2010 at 07:45 PM
All in good time.
There will come a time when you'll easily have 'those' hours for crafting, but for now (and several more years) your children need you more. and having cranky times is just human :^)
Katie is getting to be that age, hormonal changes starting in and it's a rough time. Those extra hugs, quiet times, snuggling in with cups of tea and talking, it goes a long ways for the best.
Charity, you're such a wonderful mum!
Posted by: marianne | January 24, 2010 at 08:46 PM
We all have challenges and it's natural to feel the strain of those sometimes isn't it? I too though always try and say thank you for it all - we're so lucky in a million different ways
Posted by: Sarah | January 24, 2010 at 11:12 PM
We all have those kind of days. It won't be long till the sun comes out again. Roll on spring:)
Posted by: Arianwen | January 25, 2010 at 12:30 AM
Keep pushing it back girl. They can sneak in - I fall into the negatives myself. As long as we recognize it we're ahead of so many. You're an excellent Mom Charity and an inspiration to so many of us!
Posted by: Patty | January 25, 2010 at 06:26 AM
p.s. i finally managed to get that "little something" i mentioned into the mail this morning...but it's still technically "this week" so it counts! :o) sounds like you've had a better rest-of-the-week since, good to hear. love you!
Posted by: lisa | January 30, 2010 at 10:16 AM